St. Marks United Methodist Church

May 25, 2008  *  Memorial Sunday  *  St. Marks UMC

“How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?”

Reading-  Isaiah 40:28-31;  Matthew 5:4

Within moments the casket would be closed and sealed.  I stood at the head while friends filed by to pay last respects.  Then came the family—quivering lips, trickling tears.  They came for one, last, longing look.

The daughter lingered with her husband and children, sobbing, “Mom, you were my best friend!”  My own soul shuddered at the thought of the day I may have to say “Goodbye” to one of my parents.

Lastly came the husband.  His eyes spoke of a broken, lonely heart.  Tears trickled down his cheeks as he peered into the expressionless face of his wife of many years.  Slowly, he leaned over and gently kissed her.  Again, my heart trembled as I asked, “How could I survive this moment if it were my wife?”

Have you been there?  If you haven’t, sooner or latter you will.  Of all the wounds we suffer in this life, one of the deepest is when someone we love dies.  A part of who you are has been given to you by them! You have danced with them, argued with them, struggled through storms with them, laughed and cried with them, exchanged love with them.  And when their earthly life ends, it feels as though a piece of your own heart has been broken off and will never be completely healed.

A few weeks later, people expect you to be back…doing business as usual.  But they don’t have to stare at the empty chair across the room…or crawl into an empty bed.  They don’t know what it’s like to catch yourself blurting out a thought…even though your loved one’s not sitting there to listen.

We just heard promises from God’s Word:  “Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.” “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  But from where does the strength and comfort come?  What form does it take?  Like the old Bee Gee’s song asks, “How do you mend a broken heart?”

Earlier, in our prayers, we named persons dear to us, whom we are missing.  However, the death of a loved one isn’t the only loss we experience that leaves our heart crushed and bleeding.  So, let’s talk about the mending of a broken heart.  Jesus meant it when he promised, “For they shall be comforted.”  God will do God’s part in our healing; but God also gives us a part in our own mending.

I’m not usually big on alliteration…but I’ve discovered that “healing” has five “T’s” in it-  Healing takes TEARS.  Healing takes THANKSGIVING.  Healing takes TIME.  Healing requires some TURNING OVER.  And healing requires some TAKING AHOLD.

First, healing takes TEARS.  God gave us tears as a gift, and for good purpose; yet many, especially us guys, view weeping as a sign that you are emotionally weak and out of control.

“Jesus cried.”  That’s the shortest verse in the Bible, but what a message!  It was on the way to the cemetery.  His close friend, Lazarus had died.  When Jesus saw Lazarus’ sisters crying, tears trickled down his cheeks.  So, why do we think we have to hold them back?

Tears are splattered all through the stories of the Bible.  They naturally accompany grief and sadness as God’s gift to help us through the storm. Tears help us to express the reality that all is not well, that a tragedy has invaded our life.  Tears are God’s pressure valve, releasing the built up pressure from a heart about to explode with anguish.  Tears provide momentary release to the present wave of grief, which allows us to gather strength for the next wave.  Tears are also evidence of how dearly you loved the person you lost.

But when we fight off the tears because it hurts to cry, because we feel out of control…it only makes things worse!  Denying tears can be a way of denying the reality that your loved one is gone…a way of running away from the pain that reality brings.  We dam up tears in an attempt to remain in control, when what we need is to accept that our life is more out of control than ever before.

When our heart is hurting, God gives us the gift of tears.  Our part is to claim the gift, to let the teardrops flow.  To dam up tears is to bottle up our hurt.  To deny tears is to deny reality.  To block tears is to delay the beginning of our healing.  Jesus wept; so who are we to think we should not?

Secondly, healing takes THANKSGIVING.  If any medicine helps us to smile through our tears, it’s when we remember the precious moments we shared together…and then thank God for the gift of each precious moment we shared!

The one you’re missing may have gone to be with God; but your memories are a part of them you can keep.  Carry them in your heart like a picture album.  Get them out often and share them with others.  Celebrate all that was good….then thank God.

When I visit a grieving family, we often sit in a circle and share memories.  Soon there is laughter, as they remember the time Uncle Charlie played a prank on Aunt Suzie.  The tears are still there; but the smiles are shining through the tears in a circle of thankful hearts.

Some of you may remember the entertainer, Bob Hope’s theme song, “Thanks for the Memories.”  God has given us the gift of memories.  Our part is to claim them, to savor them and to thank God for each precious moment God gave us together.

However, grief-stricken people are sometimes as afraid of memories as they are afraid of tears.  I’ve known people to seal  their loved one’s  bedroom, never to open it again…or to clean out their possessions the week after the funeral…afraid that the reminders will bring them more pain. One of the most healing things you can do is, a few weeks after the funeral, sit down and go through the photos, the letters and cards, the jewelry box and knick-knacks, the journal. Do it with another family member or friend.  Spend some “This reminds me of when…” sessions.  Then thank God.  It’s medicine that heals.  Even years after, a picture or a keepsake can bring a smile and a prayer of thanks.

Thirdly, healing takes TIME! Whether it’s a broken leg or a broken heart, healing happens over time.  When you lose someone who has been a part of your life for most of your life, why should we expect to adjust to their absence over night?  Even long after God has restored joy to your heart, there are days like Christmas and anniversaries, that being back fresh pangs of grief to our mostly healed heart.

Our scripture today promises us: “Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  In some translations, “Those who wait for the Lord,” reads, “Those who hope in the Lord,” Waiting and hoping fit together hand in glove, don’t they?  In fact, hoping is a kind of waiting…..hoping is waiting expectantly, waiting confidently.  Hope isn’t “if it happens” waiting.  Hope is “WHEN it happens waiting!  So, the first thing this promise tells us is, “God will surely renew your strength…but there will be some expectant waiting involved.  Healing takes time.

Now this promise suggests a strength-recovering process…three levels of strength:  the first form of strength for most of us is simply “to walk and not faint”- to take the next step without collapsing…the strength to get through today.  Early on, there may be days you cannot walk.  Then is when Christ is carrying you.  Only after that can we run and not be weary.  Only after running, will we be strong enough to soar again, like an eagle.  But it begins with some expectant waiting on the Lord.  Expect to be healed; but don’t expect to run without first walking, or to soar without first running.  Expect it to take some time.

Fourthly, healing requires some TURNING OVER…SOME LETTING GO.  In the mending of a broken heart, there are most always some things we must let go of…turn over to God, which takes a lot of trust.

Tears help us release the sadness.  Memories help us smile and be thankful. But neither tears nor memories take away the hurt.  For complete healing we need more than tears, more than thankful memories, even more than time.

The Apostle Peter, who knows the hurt of a broken heart, writes this to troubled Christians, I Pet. 5:6,7  “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.”  Jerusalem translation- “Unload all your worries on him, since he is looking after you.” There are some things that, if we do not turn them over to God, we cannot know a healed heart.

The most difficult thing to turn over to God is the loved one we have lost.  HOW do you let go of someone you’ve lived with most of your life?  You’ve shared everything from you bed to your bank account.  And now God is requiring you to give them back?

God never asks us to let go of our memories, nor our love for a person; but we need to accept that our loved ones are on loan to us from God, and it is to God they return when they die.  We can easily misinterpret what “belonging” means.  Our spouse, our parents, our children “belong” to us in terms of love and bond; but every person you love is “on loan” to you from God.  So, we cannot know complete healing until we “let go” of them in the sense that we are giving them back into God’s keeping, trusting in God’s mercy, fairness and love, in hopes of seeing them again someday.

We must also turn over to God our anger. When someone we dearly love is taken away, most of us experience anger.  Anger at God- “How could you take my husband?” Anger at yourself- “Why didn’t I make her stop smoking?”  Anger at the one who died- “How could you die on me and leave me alone?”

Our God is like any loving parent. God wants us to come to him with our anger.  It ‘s OK to tell God how angry you are: but if you want to be healed you must go the next step--  turn TO God rather than away; and say, “Lord, I’m so angry I can’t think straight; but please take it and help me resolve it and, in time, sooth my troubled soul.”

We must also turn over to God our unanswered questions.  Just like a loving parent, God also wants us to come to him with our “WHY?” “Why, Lord?  Why my child?  Why my husband?” Job, the psalmists, even Jesus questioned God.  God doesn’t always give us a clear answer.  Maybe it’s because we couldn’t comprehend the answer if God fully explained.  Perhaps there are times God just wants trust, even though we don’t have answers.  But before our heart can be healed, we must be able to say, “Lord, I don’t know why you didn’t answer me; but help me to keep trusting you and believing the things about you I know to be true.  Help me to turn over to you my unanswered questions until we meet face to face.”

And for many of us, when a loved on dies, there is unfinished business that is now impossible to resolve face to face-  something between you left unforgiven, left unsaid, left unhealed.  Now it’s too late!  But until you find a way to let go of that unfinished business, your heart cannot fully heal.

It might help to go to the cemetery and talk to them…or write a letter to them.  Even though you can’t send the letter or see them face-to-face, it might help you to deal with unfinished business.  But ultimately, we must take what we can no longer resolve with that person, and turn it over to Jesus.  Give it to him, for it’s too heavy for you to keep carrying. Give it to him; and then trust him to help you go on with your life.

Now this “turning over to God” isn’t a one-time thing.  Just as healing takes time, so does letting go.  Some things, we must turn over to Jesus every morning, until the day comes we realize we have finally let it go.

Dr. John Townsend, a Christian psychologist, writes this wisdom about letting go… “Grief helps us to let go of the things we can no longer have, so that we can grab hold of the things we can have.” (repeat)  It’s so true!

It’s been said, “God can heal a broken heart; but he has to have all the pieces!”  (repeat) Not until we turn over to God what we can no longer have, what we can no further resolve, can we TAKE HOLD of the new gifts God is waiting to give us!

Which brings us to the final “T” in healing- TAKE HOLD…take hold of what you CAN have, the gifts God is waiting to give you. God doesn’t intend for us to know wounds without healing, or to walk through storms without some sort of rainbow at the end.  But what might there be to grab hold of?

First, no person or thing could completely replace the loved one you have lost, nor would we want that!  In some sense there will remain a permanent void. But God promises renewed strength and healing, if we turn to him.  Jesus promised, “I am with you always!”  We can also embrace the hope of heaven for our loved one who found their belonging with Christ, and the hope of meeting them again.  Take hold of these promises.

Another of God’s gifts may be someone to walk with you from the beginning of your healing…. a person who has had a similar loss, a grief support group, a pastor or counselor, or a close Christian friend.

As for other gifts God has waiting for you—SURPRISE!  Only God knows what they are; but if you are expectantly waiting for them, you’ll recognize them.  God’s new gift may come in the form of travel or a new adventure…or in finding new ways to serve and make a difference…or in the companionship of a pet or another person.  Expect God’s new gifts.  Look for them and take hold of them.  But remember, it’s not until we turn over to God what we can no longer have, that we will likely notice or take hold of the promises and new gifts God wants to give us to complete our healing.

Healing takes tears.  Healing takes thanksgiving.  Healing takes time.  Healing requires turning over to God.  Healing means taking hold.  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”